Soulmates

Do you believe in soulmates? In the Jewish tradition, this is called besherta. We all have a soulmate, and if we are lucky, we find her.

Sometimes, I think this idea of having a soulmate keeps me lonely. But someone might say it keeps me available in case she comes into my life.

In the Buddhist tradition, we don't need anyone to complete us. We can give up our hope for a soulmate and just rest in the present moment. The Sufis say that the Beloved is present at all times. These mystical traditions say that Love is available in every moment, and that it doesn't need to come from another person. Here's a poem by Rumi (translated by Andrew Harvey), called "Love's Horse Will Carry You Home":

The whole world could be choked with thorns
A Lover's heart will stay a rose garden.
The wheel of heaven could wind to a halt
The world of Lovers will go on turning.
Even if every being grew sad, a Lover's soul
Will stay fresh, vibrant, light.
Are all the candles out? Hand them to a Lover -
A Lover shoots out a hundred thousand fires.
A lover may be solitary, but he is never alone.
For companion he always has the hidden Beloved.
The drunkenness of Lovers comes from the soul,
And Love's companion stays hidden in secret.
Love cannot be deceived by a hundred promises;
It knows how innumerable the ploys of seducers are.
Wherever you find a Lover on a bed of pain
You find the Beloved right by his bedside.
Mount the stallion of Love and do not fear the path -
Love's stallion knows the way exactly.
With one leap, Love's horse will carry you home
However black with obstacles the way may be.
The soul of a real Lover spurns all animal fodder,
Only in the wine of bliss can his soul find peace.
Through the Grace of Shams-ud-Din of Tabriz, you will possess
A heart at once drunk and supremely lucid.

Ken Wilber is a famous philosopher and American Buddhist. He knows that enlightenment is available right now. In one of his books, which is in the form of a journal describing his daily life, he talks about meeting a woman and how they began to grow closer. I loved how in his book, he compared relationship to money. He quotes an old Jewish saying that goes something like this: "Whether you're rich or poor, you can still be happy. But, I'd rather be rich." He says that according to the great mystical traditions, whether you are in relationship or not, it doesn't matter, you can still be happy. But, he describes the excitement of meeting his girlfriend and he concludes, it sure feels better to be in relationship.

I suppose we can approach the topic of love the way an old Zen master would:

The Zen master Hakuin was praised by his neighbors as one living a pure life.

A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store lived near him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discovered she was with child. This made her parents angry. She would not confess who the man was, but after much harassment at last named Hakuin.

In great anger the parent went to the master. "Is that so?" was all he would say.

After the child was born it was brought to Hakuin. By this time he had lost his reputation, which did not trouble him, but he took very good care of the child. He obtained milk from his neighbours and everything else he needed.

A year later the girl-mother could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth - the real father of the child was a young man who worked in the fishmarket.

The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask forgiveness, to apologize at length, and to get the child back.

Hakuin was willing. In yielding the child, all he said was: "Is that so?"

If it is time for this kind of love to come into our lives, then we can welcome it, saying "is that so?" If it is not time for this kind of love, can we say, "is that so?"