Ron Mardigian: In Memoriam

My friend Caroline is in China for a business trip and she emails me to say hi, to tell me she's in Beijing. "I forgot you are in Shanghai!" she writes. It would have been nice to see her, but at least it's good to hear from her.

Caroline and I used to work together at Bio-Rad, a company that makes research equipment for researchers in biology and medicine and where Caroline still works (and where I used to be a high-powered HR professional). We are both of Sephardic Jewish background, and even have the some of the same friends, which we discover after we hang out for a while.

Caroline tells me why she's in China, where she's staying and then she tells me that a coworker of ours, Ron Mardigian, has died.

I am in shock. Ron was in his forties. Forty-nine to be exact. He was older than me, but he always felt and looked around my age, not "old" by any stretch of the imagination.

I don't get it. I email Caroline again. She tells me that Ron went to Tahoe, went to sleep one night, and didn't wake up the next morning. They don't know what happened.

I am still in shock. Ron was not an old man. Actually, he was a very young, and alive, man. Just to give you a little taste of Ron, when he started working for Bio-Rad, which is right on the San Francisco Bay, he would go windsurfing during lunch (that is, until someone told him that he couldn't).

Ron and I would hang out at in between cubicles, chatting about backpacking. Ron was Armenian, I am half-Moroccan Jewish, and I felt we also had this connection somewhere way back in the East. Ron taught me some bad words in Armenian, but I forgot.

Whenever I saw Ron, we would talk, crack jokes together, and laugh. Ron made the corporate world at least 28% more bearable. Little did I know, but in less than two years, I would be leaving it to start my journey as a Chinese doctor, something that Ron thought was cool.

Despite the fact that I would be abandoning the world of computers, reports, email, office politics, and performance reviews, I found that there were many really good people at Bio-Rad. People who were human. And then there was Ron. I would say he was a Boddhisattva, which just means someone with a deep, kind heart who cares a lot about others.

After working for Bio-Rad for a while, Ron had an idea to bring biology to classrooms, and asked the president of Bio-Rad if he could help biology teachers teach kids biology by using kits the company would produce, kits that schools would never otherwise have access to.

Fortunately, the president said yes, and Ron's job changed.

Here is what one teacher said about the program that Ron helped create:

After completing my biology course, featuring your Explorer Kits, a student asked me what she needed to do to go to college. Up to the point of seeing and doing genetic engineering, she had no reason to pursue her education beyond high school. There wasn't a single person in her family that had ever attended college and she had no idea where to start. What she did have was a passion to learn more and a sense of purpose for her life. Over the next two years, we worked together to get the necessary perquisites completed, including an independent research project using one of the Bio-Rad kits. I am writing you today, because I just attended her graduation from UC Berkeley, where she earned a degree in Neurobiology. This fall she will start a graduate program at Johns Hopkins where she plans to pursue a PhD. It is these students that make my job worth while, but having the Bio-Rad curriculum and the wonderful kits to awaken the passion for exploration makes my job a lot easier.

To me, Ron is not gone. I can hear his voice. Even now, he is inspiring me. He is telling me to live my life with integrity, to be happy, to have fun, to be of service to others. And most importantly to laugh.

Ron, bro, you gave me and others many gifts, and even now, you've given us another. We wish you were still here with us to laugh and bring us your warm spirit, but we know that sometimes you just gotta accept reality and let it unfold in its way.

It's like an old Korean Zen teacher in Berkeley used to say. He used to teach the following mantra to his students: "Don't know!" In other words, we have to be okay with not knowing the reasons for everything.

Ron, I don't know why you've left us, but I can feel you smiling now. I can feel that big heart of yours. I know you loved all of us. I love you, and I know many, many others did, too.

From the bottom of my heart: Thanks. I'm going to do my best, bro!

In A Dream, Roni Tries to Save America

There is no telling how many wars it will take to secure freedom in the homeland.
(George W. Bush, speech on August 7, 2002)

I wake up early this morning from a dream, a very clear dream.

I am walking on a path outside, maybe at a hotel, where people are eating dinner. I look at some bulletin boards on the path, and there are some memos. They are all dated 1983.

I look at peoples' hairstyles and their clothing, and I realize that I must have traveled back in time. Oh my god, it's 1983!

I feel a sense of relief. It's a simpler time. Of course, in 1983 I was just a kid, and so I am in touch with my own sense of innocence at that time.

Suddenly, I see David Hasselhoff, the star of Baywatch. He looks quite young, and even skinny. I look at him and realize that he probably doesn't even know how famous he is going to be in a few years. It's quite a contrast to 2008, when he is pretty much over-the-hill.

I walk down the path, into a big dining room that must be part of the hotel. There is some kind of political convention happening there, and I take a seat to listen. To my surprise, a young George Bush the second is speaking. He seems more lucid, more together than he does 20 years later (although, in the 2000s, I do my best to avoid listening to his canned speeches, which I can tell, he doesn't do a very good job of reciting and comprehending, not to mention the ridiculous fascist content).

However, despite being more "intelligible", he uses more profanity than he does normally, I guess trying to appear more "down-home" to all of us. It is not impressive, just embarrassing. He uses the word "bitch".

I see some people protesting outside of the hotel and I know they are Democrats. Maybe this is some kind of Republican gathering. I want to talk to the protesters outside, to tell them to do their hardest to make sure that Bush doesn't get to power, that our country doesn't get off track in the way that it has in the last seven years. But I am afraid they won't believe me or take me seriously.

Bush of 1983 has left, and, suddenly, Bush, from 2008, enters the room. He looks pretty much the same, except his hair is more grey. He talks in the same way he talks on TV these days, trying to be "down-home", but if you pay attention, you can see that he is different from his younger self. Perhaps he's lost a few million brain cells or something. He is trying to convince people that he is the one to support and vote for, perhaps going back in time to ensure that he can take office in 2000.

Where I am sitting, everyone has a laptop. They are more bulky, old laptops, although I don't think laptops were even invented then. I also have a laptop, a sleek Sony Vaio from the 2000s. I open it and see if I can log onto the internet, but of course, I can't. People aren't really curious about my little laptop--perhaps they think it is just another sleek model. Nevertheless, I notice myself trying to hide my screen from others. What if they see the Windows XP interface? They're still using DOS.

I ask the young guy next to me if he has ever heard of the Beastie Boys, but he says that he hasn't. Of course, they're not going to get big for another few years.

I know that I need to leave soon. But since I know I'll never be back to 1983 again (or so I believe), I decide to tell the guy next to me the truth, that I am from 2008.

"Right," he says. He starts making fun of me and trying to make me look like a kook. I want to convince him that I really am from the future. I want him to know that the world is going to change in a big way. I want to tell him that America is going to change in a big way, and that it's not all a pretty picture.

He's still mocking me as he gets up to go. I need to go, too.

"I will just say one word to you," I say. "Remember it."

He stops his mocking for a second and waits for my word.

"The internet." I say.

And hopefully, as the years pass, he will remember me, and perhaps, in another reality, he and others can help change things, so we don't end up in the nightmare that is the United States today.

A Dream

I wake up early this morning from a dream, a very clear dream.

I am walking on a path outside, maybe at a hotel, where people are eating dinner. I look at some bulletin boards on the path, and there are some memos. They are all dated 1983.

I look at peoples' hairstyles and their clothing, and I realize that I must have traveled back in time. Oh my god, it's 1983!

I feel a sense of relief. It's a simpler time. Of course, in 1983 I was just a kid, and so I am in touch with my own sense of innocence at that time.

Suddenly, I see David Hasselhoff, the star of Baywatch. He looks quite young, and even skinny. I look at him and realize that he probably doesn't even know how famous he is going to be in a few years. It's quite a contrast to 2008, when he is pretty much over-the-hill.

I walk down the path, into a big dining room that must be part of the hotel. There is some kind of political convention happening there, and I take a seat to listen. To my surprise, a young George Bush the second is speaking. He seems more lucid, more together than he does 20 years later (although I do my best to avoid listening to his speeches, which I can tell, he doesn't do a very good job of reciting and comprehending, not to mention the ridiculous fascist content).

However, despite being more "intelligible", he uses more profanity than he does normally, I guess trying to appear more "down-home" to all of us. It is not impressive, just embarrassing.

I see some people protesting outside of the hotel and I know they are democrats. Maybe this is some kind of republican gathering. I want to talk to them, to tell them to do their hardest to make sure that Bush doesn't get to power, that our country doesn't get off track in the way that it has in the last seven years. But I am afraid they won't believe me or take me seriously.

Bush of 1983 has left, and, suddenly, Bush, from 2008, enters the room. He looks pretty much the same, except his hair is more grey. He talks in the same way he talks on TV these days, trying to be "down-home", but if you pay attention, you can see that he is different from his younger self. He is trying to convince people that he is the one to support and vote for.

Where I am sitting, everyone has a laptop. They are more bulky, old laptops, although I don't think laptops were even invented then. I also have a laptop, a sleek Sony Vaio from the 2000s. I open it and see if I can log onto the internet, but of course, I can't. People aren't really curious about my little laptop--perhaps they think it is just another sleek model. Nevertheless, I notice myself trying to hide my screen from others. What if they see the Windows XP interface? They're still using DOS.

I ask the young guy next to me if he has ever heard of the Beastie Boys, but he says that he hasn't. Of course, they're not going to get big for another few years.

I know that I need to leave soon. But since I know I'll never be back to 1983 again (or so I believe), I decide to tell the guy next to me the truth, that I am from 2008.

"Right," he says. He starts making fun of me and trying to make me look like a kook. I want to convince him that I really am from the future. I want him to know that the world is going to change in a big way. I want to tell him that America is going to change in a big way, and that it's not all a pretty picture.

He's still mocking me as he gets up to go. I need to go, too.

"I will just say one word to you," I say. "Remember it."

He looks confused.

"The internet!" I say.

And hopefully, as the years pass, he will remember me, and perhaps, in another reality, someone can help change things, so we don't end up in the nightmare that is the United States today.

The Nature of Love

Don't Give Up the Fight...

Introducing the Enneagram

It's the New Year. People in the States like to make resolutions around this time Gyms are full in January and then a month later people have forgotten their big goal to stay fit or lose weight or stop yelling at their kids.

I have never really understood resolutions. Why do we need a special time of year to think about our lives and work on ourselves? Can we always keep growing? Perhaps our striving for things we don't really need gets in the way. If you are always watching TV, trying to be like the stars, maybe you lose sight of who you are and of your own dreams.

All of the "perennial" traditions, the paths of wisdom and spirit talk about an inner Essence, covered over by a false personality. We all needed our personalities to survive our childhood realities, and hence we became conditioned in certain ways. For example, your dad is distant but smart, so you develop your intellect to create some kind of connection with him. Or you mom is often depressed, so you end up developing a caring, pacifying personality. This, of course, is a simplification (because there are other factors, like biology, culture, etc.) , but you get the idea.

So, I thought today I would share with you a fun personality test I found (click this link to take the test!).

It consists of 50 questions and helps you determine your Enneagram Type. The Enneagram is a system of personality typing as well as a tool for personal transformation. On a fundamental level, the message of the Enneagram is that if we're human, we have personalities, our own personal strategies for coping with reality, and that we can become more aware of these strategies, and perhaps even become a better person.

Here are the Ennegram types:

Type One is principled, purposeful, self-controlled, and perfectionistic.

Type Two is demonstrative, generous, people-pleasing, and possessive.

Type Three is adaptive, excelling, driven, and image-conscious.

Type Four is expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, and temperamental.

Type Five is perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated.

Type Six is engaging, responsible, anxious, and suspicious.

Type Seven is spontaneous, versatile, distractible, and scattered.

Type Eight is self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational.

Type Nine is receptive, reassuring, agreeable, and complacent.

Which one do you think you are? How abour your friends. The Enneagram is not only enlightening, but fun!

I find the Enneagram helpful in my own life in many ways. For instance, as a Two, I am very amused at how I sometimes forget my own needs and become a little too focused on helping others. It's also very helpful when interacting with others, especially at work or in relationships. For example, it's always helpful (and easy) for me to spot a Four (the Drama Queen), a One (the Perfectionist), a Seven (the Epicure), or an Eight (the Bully), and then I don't get so unnerved by their behavior. It gives me a little perspective and compassion.

Of course, you can't reduce anyone to a number. The Enneagram is simply a tool, helping us to become a little more patient, compassionate, and wiser (with ourselves and others).

Good luck and happy New Year.

Love,
Roni