The Lame Goat

Today, a Rumi poem comes to my mind. It's about a goat. I think you'll like this one:

The Lame Goat
(translation: Coleman Barks)

You've seen a herd of goats going down to the water.

The lame and dreamy goat brings up the rear.

There are worried faces about that one.
but now they’re laughing,

because look, as they return,
that goat is leading!

There are many different kinds of knowing.
The lame goat’s kind is a branch
that traces back to the roots of presence.

Learn from the lame goat.
and lead the herd home.

I've always identified with the lame goat. Maybe we all need permission to be who we are. We live in a world full of ideals. We live in a world of lies. Everyone's trying to attain the unnatural, and when the shit hits the fan, many wonder why.

This is the nature of reality, that's why!

Wait, it sounds like I am being pessimistic. No, it's not that shit spewing from a fan represents reality. Perhaps it's just that we build imaginary fans made out of our expectations, and when they spew shit, we are surprised.

Sometimes, when we drop those expectations, life gets a little easier, a little more real. It's like when you go backpacking in the mountains for a long weekend. You recalibrate. You start getting used to not being able to turn on the lights with a switch. You get used to the uphill hiking. You start paying attention to where you get your water from. Taking a shit is a little more complicated.

I'm not saying modern technology isn't wonderful (it's pretty cool), but how can we stay in touch with the nature of reality, with who we really are, in the midst of it?

As much as I like writing about this, I wish I could say that I've got this whole way of life down, but, alas, I am just like everyone else. I've got my expectations. I can't help but try to attain some ideal at times. I try to "achieve" things. I fail. I feel a little lame, like that goat.

The Dao De Jing talks about this, too. Check out chapter 20:

Being different
(translation: Ursula LeGuin)

How much difference between yes and no?
What difference between good and bad?

What the people fear
must be feared.
O desolation!
Not yet, not yet has it reached its limit!

Everybody's cheerful,
cheerful as if at a party,
or climbing a tower in springtime.
And here I sit unmoved,
clueless, like a child,
a baby too young to smile.

Forlorn, forlorn.
Like a homeless person.
Most people have plenty.
I'm the one that's poor,
a fool right through.

Ignorant, ignorant.
Most people are so bright.
I'm the one that's dull.
Most people are so keen.
I don't have the answers.
Oh, I'm desolate, at sea,
adrift without harbor.

Everybody has something to do.
I'm the clumsy one, out of place.
I'm the different one,
for my food
is the milk of the mother.

Stephen Mitchell translates the last line: "I drink from the Great Mother's breasts." I like it.

Here it is in Chinese:

绝弃令人烦恼的死知识, 作自己想作的事, 有何不好? 善与恶又有什么差别?
如果只把知识当做登向士途的台阶, 那么读书就变成与个人荣辱紧密相关, 那么读书确实令人生畏, 也确实不可不畏。大道与世俗相差太远了!
大道是这样宽广, 而人们却熙熙攘攘的挤在一条仕途的小路上, 如享太牢, 如春登台。只有我恬淡无动于衷, 好像一个失落的婴儿, 若无所宅。
众人都有怀有志, 盈溢胸心的样子。而我却是廓然无为无欲, 若有所失的样子。我真是愚人的心肠啊! 心中沌沌然然。世人都光耀自炫, 而我却昏昏昧昧。世人都精明机巧, 而我却无所识别的样子。一边静的像海似的, 另一面却像不止的飙风。别人都好像很有作为, 唯我不求上进。我同世人不同, 追求道的生活。

Today's toast is to the lame goat and the wise sage. You both are like Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski, ever inspiring me to let go, stop trying to achieve anything, and just let reality prevail. Allowing me to get out of my own way.