Employees of the Month Award

My friend Ted is not only a certified enlightened Tibetan Buddhist, but also makes a good casserole. He is also letting me crash at his place while I'm in Berkeley. May the Karmapa bless you, Ted Rinpoche.

Ted's place is in the Berkeley Hills. It's beautiful. Raspberries and plums grow in the garden. Mice scurry in the wooden rafters at night while I crash on the couch. The dogs howl and every morning, a persian cats strolls through the garden on his way home after a night of partying.

The only thing that needs fixing is Ted's shower. You see, after you shower, the floor gets all soggy--the flimsy shower curtain isn't enough. Since I like doing handyman kinds of things, and I like helping out my friends, I decided to pick up a few pieces of plastic that you can install on the edges of the tub so that water doesn't spill over and make a mess.

So, I go to the hardware store yesterday to pick up the supplies. I walk in and ask an employee in a red company vest which aisle. She doesn't know, so she asks another employee in a red vest and he sends me downstairs. I go downstairs. I see another guy in a red vest and ask him.

I smell alcohol on his breath immediately and describe what I need. "Well, let me show you because you don't know what you are talking about."

"Okay," I think. This is going to be fun. Inside I smile and say to him, "Well, you are the expert, so show me what I need!" He takes me over and shows me the plastic pieces. I ask him if I need glue and he says, "upstairs."

I thank him, grab my shower shields, and go back upstairs. I ask someone to recommend a glue, but she doesn't know which one is best, so she asks another employee. He asks me what I need and I tell him I need glue for the plastic pieces I just bought.

"Downstairs," he tells me.

"Okay," I think. I go downstairs and look for the glue, but don't see it. I turn around to drunk employee number one, who is now talking to helpful but confused employee number two. "Where is the glue?" I ask.

Employee one says it is upstairs, just like he did before. Employee two says, "Oh, I thought you needed to know where to get those plastic shields." I say to him, "Why do I need these? I have them, in my hand." I'm not really mad, I just feel like I am on some hidden camera TV show.

So, I go upstairs, and someone recommends the right glue, and I pay and get out of there.

On my way out, I spot whiskey-breathed employee number one lighting up a cigarette on a break. I smile at him, "So how long should I let the glue dry before I can use my shower?" I ask.

"Oh, a day," he says.

I am laughing, "Don't get into any trouble today!" I say.

He smiles big and says, "okay."