My New Zipper

I have blue jeans and green jeans, so I go to the local discount department store and buy some brown jeans. I go up to the third floor and start looking at jeans when I encounter the woman in the men's clothing department who starts her many sales pitches.

I am starting to get used to this very Chinese phenomenon. Even in the local drugstores there are women in uniforms everywhere who, in addition to making sure you don't steal anything, will also give you the hard sell for things you are looking for, and for some things you're not. The other day, one of them tried to sell me "Essence of Kangaroo Meat", pouncing upon me in the vitamin section. As we say in the States, "Yeah, right."

After trying on a pair of jeans I like, I tell the department store woman I'll take them. I pay her my money, and then she kindly walks me to the tailor next door. My new brown jeans are too long and I need them shortened. I put them on in the old tailor's kitchen and he marks them. In about fifteen minutes, I walk out with my new brown jeans. As we also say in the States, I am a happy camper.

The next day, I notice that the zipper won't stay closed. You need to try a few times, and then it closes, but then if your movements are too vigorous, then it opens again. Shit, I think, they warned me about the lack of quality control in China.

So, instead of heading all the way back to the department store in Xujiahui, I just take the pants to the tailor five minutes from my house, and ask him to put in a new zipper. "Tomorrow," he says in Chinese. "No problem," I answer.

I pick up my pants the next day, give him some money for his time and materials, and can't wait to wear my newly improved brown jeans the next day.

Sure enough, the zipper fails again. "Ha, they probably didn't even put in a new zipper," my Chinese friend says.

Well, I take it back and tell the tailor that the new zipper doesn't work. He doesn't even blink. "Tomorrow," he says. "No, problem," I tell him.

I come back the next day to pick up my jeans and check the zipper to make sure it's new this time. With keen perception, similar to that of Sherlock Holmes (with a specialty in clothing), I notice the zipper's brand name, different from the previous zipper. He's actually sewn in a new zipper.

Not only do I get a new zipper, but the tailor graciously begins a lesson in zipping for me. "You see, make sure you zip it all the way up, okay..."

I stop him before he moves onto lesson two of Zipping 101. "Mister," I say, laughing, "you are teaching me how to zip my pants? You know, I have a lot of experience doing this, since I was a young boy!"

I get a smile out of him, and head home with my new pants and zipper. Just another normal day in China.